i only want to ride roller coasters at theme parks, not in my heart

i have been perpetually disappointed by the men in my life and it makes me wonder what it is in me that is attracted to the unattainable. The roller coaster of emotionally wrenching guys.  but I'm tired of it.  i want men in my life, friends, interests, everyone, who are dependable. who are the same every day and not constantly changing. who are strong, and thoughtful and kind, and who realize that being all of these things doesn't mean they have to be misogynistic, but rather open minded and forward thinking. Not necessarily looking for something super serious right now, just took my heart out something too serious, and it will take a minute to be ready for deep again.  I'm just over feeling anxious.  i don't want to be wrapped up in the wait, or the chase, or any of those pointless games. i just want to live my life and have people around me that i can depend on, always. no longer interested in the unattainable.  i want more.

goodbye my heart

today i realized that i am no longer being held captive by my heart. by my love.  Today i feel free. and light, and not attached anymore. i am free. it was a little sad to realize its gone, he's gone. i dont feel him around anymore. but im so relieved....i can breathe again.