something it thought i saved for a certain person... apparently i was saving it for myself.
something precious to me...
a recent experience taught me that love makes most things more special...
until I'm in love again...and even after...its for me :)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
1 year, two hours, and three minutes
its surreall to imagine that one year right now my family was changing as i knew it.
one year ago today we lost a precious life... Carter Bryce Eaton
as i look through on his pictures over and over again, i see a vision of sorts.
a little boy, about six years old...with his mothers kind brown eyes, brown hair, and his dad's smile.
i see him approach me and i cry. even in my so called vision.
and he says, "it ok aunt maci. im ok"
maybe im selfish but i want him here.
with us.
with me.
with my sister.
who i know was made to be a mother.
she has that mom chip...more than anyone i have ever met.
why her?
why us?
why him?
how is it fair that so many people have children that they don't treat right and yet my sister is excluded.
i remember last year. and that person that really touched my heart with their tenderness.
so many friends were selfless and caring and showed me their true selves during this awful time....but one person in particular showed me a compassion that no one else could reach...
because no one else knew me on that level.
thank you, you know who you are, and you've changed my life on some many levels...this level just happens to be the closet to my heart.
and my dear Carter,
Thank you for watching out for our family...i wish you were here with us, but i am thank ful to feel your presence around me at all times, i know ill feel your guidnace at pivotal points in my life...and i fully expect you to guide me tot he right decisions for me as they present themselves.
one year ago today we lost a precious life... Carter Bryce Eaton
as i look through on his pictures over and over again, i see a vision of sorts.
a little boy, about six years old...with his mothers kind brown eyes, brown hair, and his dad's smile.
i see him approach me and i cry. even in my so called vision.
and he says, "it ok aunt maci. im ok"
maybe im selfish but i want him here.
with us.
with me.
with my sister.
who i know was made to be a mother.
she has that mom chip...more than anyone i have ever met.
why her?
why us?
why him?
how is it fair that so many people have children that they don't treat right and yet my sister is excluded.
i remember last year. and that person that really touched my heart with their tenderness.
so many friends were selfless and caring and showed me their true selves during this awful time....but one person in particular showed me a compassion that no one else could reach...
because no one else knew me on that level.
thank you, you know who you are, and you've changed my life on some many levels...this level just happens to be the closet to my heart.
and my dear Carter,
Thank you for watching out for our family...i wish you were here with us, but i am thank ful to feel your presence around me at all times, i know ill feel your guidnace at pivotal points in my life...and i fully expect you to guide me tot he right decisions for me as they present themselves.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
tingly feeling
today a dear friend told me about a dream of his that i was in last night...
as he told me, some things popped out to me, like the sun. and my draw to it.
today im worried, i hope everything is ok. but my heart is beating fast and my skin is tingling.
oh Lord please keep my loved ones safe.
the sun...always rising and capturing me. in big times of my life
as he told me, some things popped out to me, like the sun. and my draw to it.
today im worried, i hope everything is ok. but my heart is beating fast and my skin is tingling.
oh Lord please keep my loved ones safe.
the sun...always rising and capturing me. in big times of my life
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
goodbye
i dont know what the future holds for me.
i know what my heart says, but so far that hasn't panned out to be truth yet.
so... im letting go.
years of feeling this way are over... i deserve so much better.
the constant lies, the making me look bad so he looked better, hiding me. all out of cowardice.
i deserve better.
all that stops now.
and yes, i still believe in the impossible...but as of now, im done.
thank you for all you've taught me...it changed my life.
goodbye...
i know what my heart says, but so far that hasn't panned out to be truth yet.
so... im letting go.
years of feeling this way are over... i deserve so much better.
the constant lies, the making me look bad so he looked better, hiding me. all out of cowardice.
i deserve better.
all that stops now.
and yes, i still believe in the impossible...but as of now, im done.
thank you for all you've taught me...it changed my life.
goodbye...
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Adele is stalking me
last 24 hours:
awesome people who are protective of me and defended me...
then my heart fell out of my body, got hit by a metaphorical truck
went on a great date
got dizzy...and almost sick...symbolism?
weird symbolic dream that creeps me out with it's congruency..
we'll see what happens next
awesome people who are protective of me and defended me...
then my heart fell out of my body, got hit by a metaphorical truck
went on a great date
got dizzy...and almost sick...symbolism?
weird symbolic dream that creeps me out with it's congruency..
we'll see what happens next
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