Thankful?

no longer do i get that little flutter of excitement when i think of him.

its been replaced with disgust and the thought "get out of my state you bastard".

maybe this is progress?

I think im a masochist, that has possibly gone numb from the eyes down.

but, hell- at least im not paralyzed with pain anymore.

so im thankful.

depressed by my disenchantment of romance and the world, but thankful

shield

I miss you everyday. mostly everynight...right as i lay down to sleep, my heart auto pilots straight to you.

i wish some how i could replace my missing you with some form of hate. or even dislike.

that would make more sense, given all we've been through...

and yet the beauty in all this pain is that i will never be hurt like this again.

its sad really to think that no one, will ever capture my heart the same way you have....its not a possiblity.  and i suppose thats comforting also...in a off circumstantial way.

ive realized that everyone i've always imagined as  "hard core" or "bad ass"


 have really just been hurt bad before..

and now they are amune to it. this sick all consuming, destroying, beautifully capitvating, most wonderful love....

maybe there comes a point when we all pick up our shield...

pro voluptuousness

I am really disturbed by all the pro anorexia blogs i've been seeing lately. i hope that all these beautiful women can see how amazing they are, exactly as they are. naturally! so here are some facts about true beauty from my perspective...

-women are built with curves for a reason...
we are the only human kind that care bare children, give life.

-before the 1920s dresses weren't mass produced, so women didn't feel the need to "fit into" a certain designated ideal. 

-every person and woman has a different face...so why would we all have the same body type?

-marilyn monroe, a sex symbol of the ages, was a size 14 in today's sizes. a FOURTEEN.

-and ultimately, beauty comes from within. and is not measured by society's current standard, the media, or others opinions. confidence is the sexiest attribute...and self love is the most glowing one. <3

strength

too strong...

i'm not a push over easy girl... i wont settle.

especially when i know you are capable of so much more.

i push. i expect the best. for you and me, and i have faith in it. solid faith.

and thats what scares you.

im too strong right now... and im proud of it

filling the void

i think that everyone who has lived in this world has a natural hole inside...

something we feel we need to fill..... whether is be with belief, or love, or things

a crazy thought just came into focus for me...maybe we are meant to have a hole

maybe, part of the human experience is learning to be okay with ourselves, holey and all. <3