coward

It was a gift. An act of cowardice so complete, disqualifies a person from consideration.

it's sad to me when someone lives their life out of fear.  I wish you could see the true you. I wish you could see.

But I'm not waiting around until you open your eyes

Afraid of the Ocean

Something about me has always terrified him.  I think it's that he knows. 

We would be right, actually good for each other, and hold each other to a standard. a challenge. real true life fairy tale.  with goose bumps and tummy flips and so much fun all the time that i could go anywhere with him and have a blast.  our whole lives would be magic.

and the thought of that, all that possibility, and that someone actually genuinely believing in him, the the real him, not he one he pretends to be, is terrifying.

well i still do, i still do believe in him.  it breaks my heart to think that he's really doing this.......i hope you realize what could be.

this quote...... so familiar.
"The problem is, every time we had one of these amazing nights, I would wake up the next morning in a freaking panic. So why don’t we just spare each other a mundane life of crushing disappointment, and just do it with somebody else."


You know I have tried to change these feelings. I’ve done everything. Other guys, work, distractions..And they say that it gets easier with time, but it doesn’t. If anything, if more time passes, the more I miss him.

you inspired me. then we were supposed to be together...but you're afraid of the ocean

you inspire me, Synchronicity

Everywhere,
in my memory, in a picture that my friend finds, in music, in the sky.  you're everywhere. synchronicity all over...on those same lines- a movie i watched recently was very...you decide. here are some quotes, scattered with poems and my thoughts... here is my heart.

"You know a heads up woulda been nice. You know nothing nothing major, just, just a quick email...I mean years of a loving friendship and sporadic incredible chemistry scattered with nights so fun they explain the evolutionary purpose of talking, not to mention the time we’ve clocked together, listening to music, driving with no destination, but I guess this beautiful mess is ended without notification, probably better. "

"You think you have some kinda special gift to see what’s in my heart?"
         "No, I think we both do, for each other"
         "you inspire me..."
"you inspire me too"
        "We're supposed to be together"
"i know."


someone once told me that, one day, i'd understand, that love isn't always enough.

and everything in my heart and soul does not buy that.

I think its a really great excuse to live unhappily because you think you deserve shitty things.. or because greatness makes you sick. or because your afraid of the ocean.

"Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
To toll me back from thee to my sole self!"

just jump in my love, the water's fine, and i know you can swim.

it would be so much more, infinitely more, if you were here with me.

just woke up from you.

At first it was bad, i had to removeyou from my life, from my walls for some reason.

then flashes of other things, then I was fixing your hair. touching it, feeling exactly how it feels in my hands.

waking up from that is the harest thing. its almost like doing all of it over again.

eat, pray, love myself

This book is amazing.

I've always fancied myself a bit enlightened. thoughtful even. but this particular passage got me thinking about how i tend to use others to replace what i haven't been giving myself...

"So be lonely. Learn your way around the loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your won unfulfilled yearnings.'

I have always been content being by myself. enjoyed myself even. But how funny is it that I have always had some boy in my life. some unattainable challenge, broken man that i would try to fix. think about their sadness's above my own, their issues were of more importance. ever since i was a little girl..

well that's done now. I am my own best friend. my own lover. my own divine influence. when i get there, and only when i get there, could i really ever be a functioning person that happens to be in a relationship.

it's me time, and that's OK. good even.

of my dreams

I saw the man of my dreams in my dream yesterday.

I was holding my little girl in my arms, trying to soothe her

I was surrounded by chaos; he was in sadness. sadness to see me without him, to see me struggle with having him there.

Like he was ashamed.

His brother tried to help me comfort my child...

and he couldn't face it. I saw him run away, from facing me.

He's always running.